Am I good enough?!

The title pretty much says it all.

When did I become the person everybody leaves? I don't get it. I hate it. GRRRRRRR

Taking Chances

What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping of the edge? Never knowing if there's solid ground below or a hand to hold or hell to pay...What do you say?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! :) What am I thankful? Well, let's see...

*God-for being the amazing, loving, forgiving Savior that He is
*Mommy-for teaching me things even when I don't think she is. For loving me no matter what, and for being awesome!
*Daddy-for being hilarious and also teaching me things that I didn't think he was.
*Erin-for being my sister and my best friend
*Danny-for being my new brother and for loving my sissy
*Tyne, Lauren, and Jena-For putting up with me :) Also for being amazing girls to live with and amazing girls to grow with.
*Meagan, Nat, and Lauren S.- For being 3 of my best friends. I probably couldn't get through this year without you three.
*Marie and Alyssa-for being 2 amazing older girls that I can look up to. Also, for having an awesome apartment that I can go to! :)
*Being single- On days like today, when I eat a LOT..i don't have to worry about being a fatttty!

So that's only a little list of things/people I'm thankful for.

Here's to everything good :)

if anyone can do it, a Liberty Blue Jay can!

So I'm trying to get all my junk done for New Testament, Theory, SS & ET, and all my other classes...and my NT teacher said the above statement.."title"

I CAN DO IT! :)

Once I thought..

"Once I thought I'd never grow tall as this fence. Time dragged heavy and slow. But April came and August went before I knew just what they meant. But little by little i grew. And as i grew i came to know how fast the time could go."

As I listen to this song, I can see myself as a little girl. Years just flew by, and I didn't what I needed to be doing. But as the song says, "little by little I grew.." and it's true that I grew. I grew in so many different ways. And also as the song says, I did come to know how fast the time could go...

"Once i thought I'd never go outside this fence. This space was plenty for me. But i walked down the road one day and just what happened i can't say. But little by little it came to be, that line between the earth and sky came beckoning to me."

There was a time that I never thought I'd leave Liberty Missouri. I loved it there. Heck, I cried when I had to leave my elementary school! I cried even harder when high school was over. Ok people..I'm crazy! But back to the seriousness..I never thought I'd leave. I can't tell you what happened to make me want to leave. To make me want to expand my horizons and keep on going. But as the song so eloquently says, "That line between the earth and sky came BECKONING to me..." And that's exactly what happened it seems. I was beckoned.

"Now the time has grown so short, the world has grown so wide. I'll be graduated soon. Why am i strange inside? What makes me think I'd like to try? To go down all those roads beyond that line above the earth and neath the sky..."

WHAT WAS I THINKING? Everything was moving so fast I didn't know what to do, where to go, who to be with. EVERYTHING expanded. The world grew SO wide! There was no limit it seemed. I felt strange. I still feel strange. Confusion is my biggest enemy. When I'm confused..nothing makes sense. When the world was handed to me on a platter and I could pick anything I wanted..it seemed so crazy to me! What made me think that I could follow those horizons, and reach out for the farthest land...

"Tomorrow when i sit upon, that graduation platform stand. I know my hand will shake when i reach out to take that paper with the ribbon band."

Alright, so I'm not graduating anytime soon..but think of this part of the song as more of a futureish kind of thing.

"Now that all the learning's done, oh who knows what will now begin? Oh it's so strange. I'm strange inside! The time has grown so short, the world so wide. "

Well obviously all my learning is NOT done. But I am still asking myself.."What will now begin?" And it is strange. And I am strange inside. There is not enough time to do all I want. The world is so WIDE!

Wow, so this was a pretty crazy post. But that song is MY song right now.

Lately

So I've learned a lot of things as of late. I've learned about true friendship.
I've learned who I want to be friends with, and who I could live without. And ya know...this is quite difficult. I don't like finding out that people I thought were my best friends could, in reality, care less.

Also, I've realized how much I really do miss Andrew. This is so retarded. I thought I was over him, but he keeps leading me astray. He keeps leading me down different roads. There are times when he wants me to leave him alone, and there are times where he tells me that he misses me and that he still loves me. The problem here, is that I still very much love him. I hate that. I hate that I still love him. I hate that he leads me on.

I care about him so deeply. I would do anything for him, and he knows that and takes advantage of it. I just miss my best friend.

Monday morning rain is falling...

So I know that it's supposed to be sunday morning...but i've decided it's going to be monday morning from now on :)

So here is how every stinking monday is going to look this semester..

6:30 a.m--Wake up, shower, get ready...etc
8:00 a.m--Theory 3
9:00 a.m--Vocal Diction 2
10:00 a.m--Chapel
11:00 a.m--New Testament
12:00 p.m--Lunch
12:30 p.m--Violin Lesson
1:00 p.m--Chorale
2:00 p.m--Orchestra
3:00 p.m--String Quartet
4:15 p.m--Mellers
8:00 p.m--Homework

Can somebody please tell me why I have literally 45 min. tops for breaks on mondays?!?!? Oh heavens

Really????

So, I just got called into work because somebody falsely accused me of calling my boss a bitch. First of all, i do NOT think my boss is a bitch. Secondly, WHY ON EARTH WOULD I SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO ANYBODY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I'm not completely retarded! I mean really? Do people honestly think I am retarded?!?!? Apparently I told a customer this while I was serving them...
really? really...Does this person just want me fired? Does this person just think I'm a complete idiot?!? How many times do I tell people that I love working at mellers??? Enough times that people look at me like I'm crazy.
OH...and apparently when a co-worker told me to clean something i said to her "I was hired to serve, not clean.." I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT!

I almost lost my job because of being falsely accused, and somebody maybe mixing me up with somebody else. I'm not sure about that 2nd one..because I would NEVER dis-respect any of my co-workers. I got this job and I am very grateful for it...why would I do anything that would cause me to loose my job? So now I'm getting a 2nd chance...even though I did nothing.

Gah....how frustrating