Am I good enough?!

The title pretty much says it all.

When did I become the person everybody leaves? I don't get it. I hate it. GRRRRRRR

Taking Chances

What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping of the edge? Never knowing if there's solid ground below or a hand to hold or hell to pay...What do you say?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! :) What am I thankful? Well, let's see...

*God-for being the amazing, loving, forgiving Savior that He is
*Mommy-for teaching me things even when I don't think she is. For loving me no matter what, and for being awesome!
*Daddy-for being hilarious and also teaching me things that I didn't think he was.
*Erin-for being my sister and my best friend
*Danny-for being my new brother and for loving my sissy
*Tyne, Lauren, and Jena-For putting up with me :) Also for being amazing girls to live with and amazing girls to grow with.
*Meagan, Nat, and Lauren S.- For being 3 of my best friends. I probably couldn't get through this year without you three.
*Marie and Alyssa-for being 2 amazing older girls that I can look up to. Also, for having an awesome apartment that I can go to! :)
*Being single- On days like today, when I eat a LOT..i don't have to worry about being a fatttty!

So that's only a little list of things/people I'm thankful for.

Here's to everything good :)

if anyone can do it, a Liberty Blue Jay can!

So I'm trying to get all my junk done for New Testament, Theory, SS & ET, and all my other classes...and my NT teacher said the above statement.."title"

I CAN DO IT! :)

Once I thought..

"Once I thought I'd never grow tall as this fence. Time dragged heavy and slow. But April came and August went before I knew just what they meant. But little by little i grew. And as i grew i came to know how fast the time could go."

As I listen to this song, I can see myself as a little girl. Years just flew by, and I didn't what I needed to be doing. But as the song says, "little by little I grew.." and it's true that I grew. I grew in so many different ways. And also as the song says, I did come to know how fast the time could go...

"Once i thought I'd never go outside this fence. This space was plenty for me. But i walked down the road one day and just what happened i can't say. But little by little it came to be, that line between the earth and sky came beckoning to me."

There was a time that I never thought I'd leave Liberty Missouri. I loved it there. Heck, I cried when I had to leave my elementary school! I cried even harder when high school was over. Ok people..I'm crazy! But back to the seriousness..I never thought I'd leave. I can't tell you what happened to make me want to leave. To make me want to expand my horizons and keep on going. But as the song so eloquently says, "That line between the earth and sky came BECKONING to me..." And that's exactly what happened it seems. I was beckoned.

"Now the time has grown so short, the world has grown so wide. I'll be graduated soon. Why am i strange inside? What makes me think I'd like to try? To go down all those roads beyond that line above the earth and neath the sky..."

WHAT WAS I THINKING? Everything was moving so fast I didn't know what to do, where to go, who to be with. EVERYTHING expanded. The world grew SO wide! There was no limit it seemed. I felt strange. I still feel strange. Confusion is my biggest enemy. When I'm confused..nothing makes sense. When the world was handed to me on a platter and I could pick anything I wanted..it seemed so crazy to me! What made me think that I could follow those horizons, and reach out for the farthest land...

"Tomorrow when i sit upon, that graduation platform stand. I know my hand will shake when i reach out to take that paper with the ribbon band."

Alright, so I'm not graduating anytime soon..but think of this part of the song as more of a futureish kind of thing.

"Now that all the learning's done, oh who knows what will now begin? Oh it's so strange. I'm strange inside! The time has grown so short, the world so wide. "

Well obviously all my learning is NOT done. But I am still asking myself.."What will now begin?" And it is strange. And I am strange inside. There is not enough time to do all I want. The world is so WIDE!

Wow, so this was a pretty crazy post. But that song is MY song right now.

Lately

So I've learned a lot of things as of late. I've learned about true friendship.
I've learned who I want to be friends with, and who I could live without. And ya know...this is quite difficult. I don't like finding out that people I thought were my best friends could, in reality, care less.

Also, I've realized how much I really do miss Andrew. This is so retarded. I thought I was over him, but he keeps leading me astray. He keeps leading me down different roads. There are times when he wants me to leave him alone, and there are times where he tells me that he misses me and that he still loves me. The problem here, is that I still very much love him. I hate that. I hate that I still love him. I hate that he leads me on.

I care about him so deeply. I would do anything for him, and he knows that and takes advantage of it. I just miss my best friend.

Monday morning rain is falling...

So I know that it's supposed to be sunday morning...but i've decided it's going to be monday morning from now on :)

So here is how every stinking monday is going to look this semester..

6:30 a.m--Wake up, shower, get ready...etc
8:00 a.m--Theory 3
9:00 a.m--Vocal Diction 2
10:00 a.m--Chapel
11:00 a.m--New Testament
12:00 p.m--Lunch
12:30 p.m--Violin Lesson
1:00 p.m--Chorale
2:00 p.m--Orchestra
3:00 p.m--String Quartet
4:15 p.m--Mellers
8:00 p.m--Homework

Can somebody please tell me why I have literally 45 min. tops for breaks on mondays?!?!? Oh heavens

Really????

So, I just got called into work because somebody falsely accused me of calling my boss a bitch. First of all, i do NOT think my boss is a bitch. Secondly, WHY ON EARTH WOULD I SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO ANYBODY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I'm not completely retarded! I mean really? Do people honestly think I am retarded?!?!? Apparently I told a customer this while I was serving them...
really? really...Does this person just want me fired? Does this person just think I'm a complete idiot?!? How many times do I tell people that I love working at mellers??? Enough times that people look at me like I'm crazy.
OH...and apparently when a co-worker told me to clean something i said to her "I was hired to serve, not clean.." I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT!

I almost lost my job because of being falsely accused, and somebody maybe mixing me up with somebody else. I'm not sure about that 2nd one..because I would NEVER dis-respect any of my co-workers. I got this job and I am very grateful for it...why would I do anything that would cause me to loose my job? So now I'm getting a 2nd chance...even though I did nothing.

Gah....how frustrating

Love?

Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always ...protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. -- 1 Corinthians 13

I was not patient..I was not kind...I envied...I was rude...I was easily angered..I kept record of wrongs. I never trusted...I failed..

So I guess I was never in love...

The loudest thing in my head...

Alright, so I think that God is completely and udderly AMAZING.

It's when you're in the most pain, and agony that God can bring amazing things. First, He brought Ambra back to me! :) She has kept me sane these last 2 weeks. Without her, I'd be sitting in my room doing NOTHING. Second..He has brought me some new "projects." Not like..craft projects..but KINGDOM projects. I am super excited. Third, I have been able to spend time with people I felt like I couldn't in years! It has been great to reminisce with people like Jeff, Aaron, Mikey, Doug, and Victor. It has also been amazing to hang out with Lexi, and Chara! I have re-connected with Justin, and let me tell you...all of these things make it SO hard to go back to college.

BUT

My life is moving on. I'M MOVING ON! :) I can openly and freely say this. My life is going to be so much better than I ever could have though possible. Of course it's going to have it's rough patches, but with those rough patches are going to come sweet sweet joy and grace. God is so good and He is the only thing helping me through this "rough patch" called life. I've never felt more sure about anything in my life, and I can't wait to see what He has in store.

I can't wait to re-connect with all my SBU friends. I can't wait to spend ALL of my time with Casey, Marie, Tina, Alyssa, Mindy...ETC. I also can't wait to pour my heart and soul into my roommate Tyne. This year is going to be spent building relationships. Not anything specific...aka...i'm not looking for a boyfriend!!!

I really am going to miss being at home and spending time with my mommy and daddy. I haven't been doing much of that lately, just because I think I finally realized that I have a life..and yes..I am allowed to live it. But anyway...I'm going to miss them and their awesomeness.

My sister is graduating from college this year!!! 2010...my sister is graduating..COLLEGE! WOAH BABY! That just blows my mind. She's going to be on her own, and living her life! She will (hopefully) be engaged to an amazing person and will soon start a life with him, and a family with him...and oh my goodness I am just so excited for her.

Alright, so it's late...and this is getting incredibly long!! :)

Love you all..
me

Life..I HAVE ONE!

So, Ambra and i have pretty much been hanging out 24/7..and

I LIKE IT :)

Oh p.s--"Look you're single and now you have a life!" --Ambra Sisco

LOVE IT

Summer?

Oh boy, so my summer JUST started and it is ALMOST OVER!!

So, this last week was CRAZY! Ambra is back in town so basically...everyday has been spent with her! We went to Worlds of Fun, which was very interesting..let me tell you. But, yeah...so I've been having the month of my life! :)

Hmm...what else? I AM GOING ON MY VERY FIRST DATE TOMORROW!! :) Oh goodness, this makes me so very happy. I'm not sure where we are going to go, but I'm thinking we're just going to eat and get to know each other better. *sigh* I'm excited!

ALSO! I GOT A JOB!!! :) I will be serving food at Mellers this year! :) I am so very excited.

I've said that a lot in this post, but it's so very true!
8 days until I'm back in BOMO! :)
Loves it.

<3...

Alright...so...today was the first day that my heart hurt since Andrew and I broke up. I know that he is going to be able to talk to other girls....but I'm super sad. I just don't like it when my ex's flirt with other people..

I think this hurts especially bad because Andrew and I didn't do anything wrong. We didn't break up because of something that I did, or that he did. It was God's doing..which makes it A LOT better, but still.
I didn't want to break up. I don't want to flirt with anybody else. I don't want to "look" for anybody else. I don't want to date...I just want to be his.

I want a relationship that I can be open in. I want to be able to fart whenever the heck I want to! I want to blow raspberries on my husband's cheeks. I want to have a free spirited relationship. I want him to be a Godly man who ALWAYS puts God first.

ALL OF THESE THINGS...i want.

WANT...what does that even mean? It doesn't mean I can HAVE. But it's not about me...it never was and never will be. It's ONLY about what God wants..and I can say that with ease, but why can't I live it out?!

Why is it SO hard to understand God's will. Probably because it's God's will...not mine. But WHY?!?!?! Sometimes I wonder how people live with their own will in mind..I lived that way for a long time..and it seemed to be great..but it ended up being WRONG!
The only way to live is in God's will.

I need prayer. My heart hurts.

God is so good...He's so good to me

Isn't it crazy how God brings people into your life to keep you grounded? To keep you level headed and sane? I am so blessed to have such amazing girlfriends that talk to me when I'm sad, and sit and listen to me whine and cry about being single. They also help me realize how much the recent events in my life are for the better, and not to destroy me, but to build me up in my relationship with others, and with God.



Tonight was just one of those nights. Whitney and I went to the plaza and ate at UNO chicago grill and then went to the cheesecake factory for desert. Being in her presence made my heart soar. Now i know that sounds lesbianish...but I swear, that is not the case. :) Having nights like I had tonight is what living is all about. Nights like tonight were made for girls. Being able to tell Whitney about my recent breakup and how God is growing me was very much needed.

On our way to leave, two ladies stopped us and asked us if anybody had talked to us about the Lord. I immediately turned around and showed them my very new tattoo that sports the verse Psalm 62:5-8. We sat there and talked to them for a good 20-30 minutes. It was SUCH a God send. I was able to talk to them about how God was changing my heart and changing my mind towards things that I never thought could be changed.

We mostly talked about recent events in my life, but I feel that these women were sent to me and Whitney by God. One of the girls, Sarah, prayed for us on the streets of the plaza. The things that she prayed were exactly what was on my heart.

God is so good, and He sent me those women tonight. It was no accident that they stopped and asked if we knew the Lord. I can confidently say that I DO know the Lord, and that He has prepared an amazing future for me. I am excited to see what God has in store for me...and I'm excited to wait for His timing.

God is so good, He's so good to me.

In my life...

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!

God is so good. My life is changing...it's CHANGING!! RIGHT NOW!! I am continuously changing into who God wants me to be.

I never thought that I could possibly be this happy when something so horrible just happened.

BUT...I know that what I wanted, was not what God wanted. And now I am SO excited to see what GOD wants for me. It's no longer about what I want...but what God wants..


You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek..YOU are my all in all. When I fall down You pick me up, when I am dry You fill my cup...YOU are my all in all. Jesus, precious Lamb of God, worthy is Your name.

11.10.2007--07.20.09

Those dates, where quite possibly the best year and a half of my life.
I can't imagine a better time of my life than with Andrew.

Although our relationship is over, I still feel as if it isn't. When you've loved somebody for over a year and a half and then in 30 minutes it's over...you don't just "get over it"

My life has drastically changed today...and I am going to need as much support and comforting as people can give. I haven't ever felt my heart break before..but today...it did. I can't describe how it felt...but I knew with my whole being that it was breaking.

For people wondering why...here it is..
Andrew and I have both gotten farther away from God through our relationship and now it's time to get back with God. Andrew prayed very hard about it last night and felt that God was telling him that we were not meant to be together.
Although I have not had an encounter like this with God as of lately, I trust Andrew enough to trust him when he says that God spoke to him.

I am sad, and will be sad.
I am still very much in love...and will be until who knows when
I am NOT looking for anybody nor will I be
I will cry in front of you...get over it
For any SBU friends reading this...I may just end up in your room crying for no reason...but I want you to love me and hold me

Anyway, I need to sleep
just wanted everybody to know I guess...

Update!!

So, it's been a LONG time since I've updated this blog thinger so here I go!!

I haven't had a lot of stuff to do this summer. I finished up summer school and went straight to St. Louis to see Andrew. While I was there I really got the St. Louis experience ;)

We went to a game at Busch stadium, ate Jack in the Box and Imo's, we went to the zoo...and well, I saw the arch and 6 flags. Then we went to Falls Creek...which is a really awesome camp in Oklahoma.

My birthday was the next weekend...and I turned 19...woot woot! Andrew came down for my birthday and we spent the day eating, sleeping, and spending time together. Erin and Danny were here too...so that was super fun.

I have been working on my online class...which by the way...BLOWS! It's horrible, but I'm getting it done.

In 2 days I'm leaving for Denver, Co to see my family that lives over there. It should be fun :)

Anyway, that's it!
Hope everyone is having a great summer!!

"Umm, Honey?"

So, Summer so far....has consisted of lots of awesomeness...

First--Family reunion at Butch and Sondra's
Second--a whole WEEK dedicated to spending time with my sweetie! :) Unfortunately, he had to leave me..:( This week consisted of a royal's game, and just getting to hang out with michelle and tyler, and lots of other awesome people!! :)
Third--I got to see Danielle in her show! With Whitney! :) Getting to talk to Whitney was AMAZING!!
Fourth--Summer school started! I'm taking General Pysch. It's super duper.
Fifth--My job started! I get to hang out with kids all day!!! They are special needs kids so, they are pretty awesome.



Today the highlight was Danielle.

She is a heroine baby..:( Stupid people who do stupid things while pregnant.
ANYWAY...today in cheer-leading....
Mrs Ohde: Can you stand up and say your name?
Danielle: Um...honey?
Then she decides to say why about a bajillion times and getting louder each time...
oh goodness...it was awesome

Have a good weekend people! :)

Gone, gone, gone

SUMMER!!!!!!

School is out, andrew is gone...now what?

What should I do this summer?
Somebody tell me

Last week of school!

So, here's how my last week of school went...cuz you all are DYING to know!!

Monday--Had regular classes..yay me
-Moved some stuff to my car
Tuesday--Eartraining test in the A.M, well actually 10:30, but it's all good
-Then I went home :)
Wednesday--Had fingerprinting done for my job this summer
-Came back to Bolivar
-Sang with Andrew, DeeDee, Tyler, and Michael at a church thinger..it was so much fun! :)
-Girls night with Marie and Tina at Kai. I <3 SUSHI!
-More girls night with Marie, Tina, and Millie! Stargazing at Sunset bridge
-Study for my test the next morning at 8 am..i kind of started this at like..3:00 am
Thursday--Survey of Music Literature final in the A.M
-Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep
-Moved the rest of my stuff to my car
Friday--Theory final at 10:30
-Help move tina out of her room
-Girls night with Mindy and Casey.
Saturday--Tomorrow I'm going to Afton, Oklahoma with Andrew for a family reunion. :)


So that's my week. Soon andrew is going to be leaving me to go to St. Louis...:( I don't wanna think about that right now...so I won't!

-<3

I'm not so amazing...

So, I've learned a lot about myself this past year...
Most of it...bad
Some of it...good

I've learned...
-that I can't have everything
-I won't always get what I want
-Friends will stab you in the back
-You will stab your friends in the back
-You will LEARN from stabbing your friends in the back and never do it again
-What you say WILL be used against you
-Even though you go to a baptist school, not everybody lives that kind of lifestyle
-Those people who don't live that lifestyle are probably some of the best people
-My life isn't as glamorous as it seems
-Always keep God first
-Keep your friends close and your enemies closer
-Love ALWAYS
-Even though this may be a crappy school, it is where I am supposed to be
-Never change yourself for somebody especially just a friend
-Be slow to anger
-STUDY!
-Your freshman year will be the crappiest school year of your college experience..(well, mine was)
-You can't take back something that you put in writing
-No matter how many times you say you're sorry, it doesn't always fix it
-People will probably not like you
-You will probably not like others
-ALWAYS make a good first impression, it may be your last
-I am the biggest hypocrite i know
-I need to work on that

So basically that is just some of the crap I've learned this year minus the school stuff.
I've been really weird this year, and I apologize to any who I have hurt or been rude to, or whatever.
This is not who I am, I am not this person...

I'm not so amazing

The craziness of a music major's life...

ALKFJAL;SDFIASJF;LIJF ;IFJ

Oh goodness...my life.
Schedule this week...

Monday--Theory, Chapel, Survey of Music Literature, Chorale, voice lesson
-in between these times i had to practice for my piano jury, and try to memorize the rest of the songs i need memorized.
-Got accomplished: practicing for piano jury, and memorizing 1 of the 3 i have left to memorize..not too shabby!
-Also had to do 6 different assignments for Intro to Music Education that are due tomorrow...:/
Tuesday--Intro to Music Education, Piano Lesson
-Found out that the assignments aren't due for another week. :) This is happy.
- Still need to memorize 2 songs. Kill me
-Need to practice more for my piano jury/lesson
-Need to pack some stuff to take home next tuesday.
-Need to plan an activity for the children's choir tomorrow
-Need to find time to go to Walgreens and get a refill on my anti-depression/anxiety meds...
Wednesday--Theory, Chapel, Survey of Music Literature, Church
-Take Sightsinging final
-Need to go over the theory final exam prep questions
-If i haven't done so, which i probably won't have, memorize my songs
-Practice for piano jury
-Go to Church and help with hand chimes, children's choir, and play in the orchestra
- Get back and do homework and all that jazz
Thursday--Voice Lesson
-I BETTER HAVE MY SONGS MEMORIZED BY THIS TIME!
-Practice for Piano jury
-Practice with Michael!!
-Hang out with Allen and Jennifer
-Freak out about juries :/
-Try to sleeeeep
Friday--Theory, Survey of Music Literature
-Have piano jury
-Practice more for vocal jury
-Do piano proficiencies
-Sleep
-Study for finals
Saturday--Vocal Lesson with Dr. Brown
-Go over songs again
-Work out maybe?
-Eat..maybe?
-Study for finals
Sunday--Church
-Go to church
-Go over songs
-Study for other finals

My head is spinning...bleh

Your Song--Andrew Lewis

My amazing boyfriend wrote this song for me. Apparently it's been in the works a LONG time! He recorded it at one of our friends' house who has a pretty high-tech recording studioish thingy. Basically, it's Andrew talking to God about me. :D It made me cry the first time i heard it, but i tried not to cry because i was in front of andrew!! :)

Could this be a better day, you’ve given me more than I can say. It’s such a perfect gift in every single way. And I love what you did, mixing what I wanted with what I needed. You must really know me, I think that’s easy to see.

So I thank you for her smile, and I thank you for her heart, and I thank you for her laugh. I thank you for all these things and more, I can’t wait to see what you have in store.

I don’t deserve all this, but you made it so easy I couldn’t miss. How can I thank you? There’s just no way to. Would you be the center of our life, our hope, our love? Guide our pathway each and every day.

And I know that it’s cliché, but when you made that girl, you thought of me.

So I thank you for her smile, and I thank you for her heart, and I thank you for her laugh. I thank you for all these things and more, I can’t wait to see what you have in store.



I am so thankful to have such an amazing boyfriend. God has done amazing things in our relationship and I cannot wait to see what's in store! :)

.......

She's a good girl,
loves her mama
loves Jesus
and America too.
She's a good girl,
crazy about Elvis
loves horses
and her boyfriend to..yeah

I'm free...free fallin, fallin

I wanna free fall out into nothing oh im gonna leave this world for a while

See you when I get back

Swing!

The group I'm in called Chamber Singer just got done with our concert.
It was a radio show! Uber fun let me tell you!

Want to know more?
ASK! :)

I ain't gonna live forever...

On Saturday my friend Michael LaBarge died. I guess he was in a fight and was choked and lost oxygen to his brain for over 20 minutes.

This is the 3rd time something like this has happened around me. Not exactly like what happened to Michael but, but people who were too young to have died have died.

Barrett Wepler, Brooke Baxter, and now Michael. All 3 of these amazing people were SO young! But I guess it just goes to show that when Jesus wants you home, He wants you home!

We will never know when we are going to die...scary right?...but are we going to be ready when we do?
Are we going to be able to say that we lived a Christ-like life and are we going to be able to enter the Kingdom?

Just something I've been thinking about...

...I just want to live while I'm alive..

Job 1-2

So I'm reading through the Wisdom Literature in the bible.
That consists of Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Songs. I just started today, and I am hoping to stay on track with my reading and get finished with these 5 books in 6 months. I am hoping to really meditate on each chapter as i read it.

Tonight I read Job 1-2
In these chapters Satan tells the Lord that Job will curse Him, but the Lord believes that Job is an outstanding guy and that he wouldn't. So the Lord gives Satan the power over Job as long as he doesn't harm his person. In chapter 1, Satan takes away all of Job's possesions. His children, his livestock, and everything else was taken. Did Job curse God and blame Him for it? NO! It says that "Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshipped. Job 1:20

----WOW! How many times can we as humans say that when something went wrong we fell on our faces and worshiped God? I know that I have seldomly done it. Normally our first reaction is to get mad...get mad at whoever is around us...or mainly at God.

In Chapter 2, the Lord gives Satan the power over Job's health. But He says that Satan must spare Job's life. Satan makes it so that Job has boils all over him and that probably means he was in a great deal of pain! Job's wife tells Job to curse God!!!! What a foolish woman! But did Job curse God with his lips? NO!!!

-I know that right now my walk with Christ isn't at all where it needs to be. I've really been putting God on the back burner. WAY in the back. I need to start living for Him again, because my life has really sucked since I've decided that i'm "comfortable"

I'm not called to be comfortable...i'm called to be uncomfortable

^^ Chew on that!

CHA-CHA-CHA!

You are now reading the blog of an official chacha guide! :)
This means that I am going to be making 10-14 cents per question that I answer.
Basically chacha is a text message question-answer service. It's pretty darn amazing. People send in questions...which are sent on to guides (that's me) and then guides find the answer online and then send it on to the sender. :)

sounds fun right? haha...
I'm super stoked...not only can i probably make 10-15 $ a day. Already today I've made...get this...$.90!! haha...that's not a lot of money..but I haven't gotten many questions today.

Anyway...have a good day!

Yes, this is my nephew and YES...he is crawling like a bear! What a sweetie!!

Schedule

So I have just spent the last week scheduling the rest of my LIFE!

I have made excel spread sheets that outline the rest of my time here at SBU.
Apparently I will be at SBU for 9 semesters..plus I will be going to be at school for 2 Jan-terms.

Blech...actually I'm super duper excited.

I dunno if I wrote this earlier, but I changed my major!!!! :) I am now a GENERAL MUSIC MAJOR, PSYCHOLOGY MAJOR, AND a COUNSELING MINOR. woot woot!

HAHAHAHA ................

SO...

roommates....I have all the horror stories..


she moved out...then back in..

now i'm moving out...but i'm not gonna be stupid and move back in..

heck no...no way!


i am finally OUT!!!!!!!!!!

even though she makes it seem like I had all the problems...this is NOT the case. I know i had some problems, but so did she. I say we share the blame...if you were to ask her...she would blame it all on me..

whatev...

i'm good

Am I going to die?

Ok...here's the deal

I do not want to be a music teacher anymore...BUT if I drop the major, then I will loose my scholarships. Loosing scholarships = bad plan.

SO...here's what's going to happen...

I am going to DOUBLE major in General Music and Psychology AND minor in Counseling...

I dunno is that a good idea?

let me know!

BREAKING POINT!

I have finally reached my breaking point.
I'm done
I'm beyond done


Why must people be such *add vulgar rude word here*
I HATE THIS!

I miss my friends from high school....I hate it here. There are about 5 people here that i completely trust. I am beyond mad...I'm not even mad...i'm just hurt. I don't think I've been more hurt in my entire life.

I think I've made 3 good friends since I've been here.

I can't wait to get out of this hell hold

weird...

I'm weird...

I've been having weird things happening lately.

LIKE...i've been craving certain drinks a lot lately...like MILK! and JUICE! and POP! :) I just can't get enough of them. It seems like I am just drinking and drinking and drinking...etc....

ALSO...even though I drink a lot...I don't pee a lot...awkward right?

I just feel like my body is going crazy! Maybe it's a side effect of my new medicine...but I doubt it.

Tomorrow is Andrew's birthday! :) He is going to be 19...I'm super excited. I bought him 3 fishies! One is a puffer fish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) I hope that lets you know how excited I am! The others are stripey fishy. I gave them to him tonight. We named them! :) The puffer fishy is yellow head....because he has neon yellow on his head :) the small stripey fish is winston and the bigger one is sushi...he named this one.

Anyway...I need to keep this updated!

Peace, Love and everything else that's good!

Me